My Cute Pet Pics!

Ten Peeves That Dogs Have about Humans

1. Blaming your farts on me.....
not funny... not funny at all !!!

2. Yelling at me for barking.
I'M A **** DOG!

3. Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip',
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things.
We both know who's boss here!
You don't see me picking up your poop do you?

EVERY DOG HAS HIS DAY.
A DOG ALWAYS OFFERS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
CATS HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT!

Why Some Men Have Dogs - Joke

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

4. A dog's parents never visit.

5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice,
to get your point across.

6. You never have to wait for a dog;
they're ready to go 24 hours a day.

7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask,
?If I died, would you get another dog??

10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad.
They just think it's interesting.

13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

 
And last, but not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

Thank you so much Sharyn, for yet another hilarious, animal/pet joke!

Singles Ads..... Joke

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is
reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a
very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in
your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights
lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what
nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....


Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society!


Thanks for the much needed, Monday morning laugh Jay!

Surveyor Job Opening In Alaska- Immediate Opening

Would you like to make a little extra money?

Position Open: Surveyor

Salary: $500.00 per hour(tax-free)

Qualifications: Must be fast on your feet and have substantial endurance!

A Position Just became available.

Immediate opening!

Two Hilarious Pet Jokes

Kitty cat joke

How to enjoy nine stress free lives.

Life 1 - Sleep.

Life 2 - Sleep.

Life 3 - Sleep.

Life 4 - Sleep.

Life 5 - Sleep.

Life 6 - Sleep.

Life 7 - Sleep.

Life 8 - Sleep

Life 9 - Catch up on everything you should have done.

Conserve your energy. When you crave attention one doleful look into your human’s eyes will have greater effect than many minutes of stressful meowing.

Nurture the ability to look pathetic and your human will forever be your slave

 

Bad mouthed bird

Dharam received a parrot for his forty-fourth birthday.

The parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least very rude.

Dharam tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. He shook the bird and the bird just got angrier and became even more rude.

Finally in a moment of desperation, Dharam put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was a quiet. Not a sound for several minutes minute. Dharam was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The Parrot calmly stepped out onto Dharam's extended arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will try very hard to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

Dharam was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made the difference and caused such a dramatic change when the parrot continued:

"May I ask what the chicken did???"

Thank you so very much Corrina for these super funny pet jokes.  We always look forward to your e-mails.  Thanks again for the great laughs! 

A Human's Life Explained

 On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

  'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this,  I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

  The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time  to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

  And God agreed.

  On the third day, God created the cow and said:

  'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and  suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's  family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

  The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty  years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

  And God agreed again.

  On the fourth day, God created man and said:

  'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll  give you twenty years.'

  But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the  forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog  gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

  'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

  So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy  ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our  family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the  grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark  at everyone.

  Life has now been explained to you.

  There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm  doing it as a public service.....

Thanks go out to Glenda for submitting this one & for giving us all a big laugh!

For More Laughs;
A Dogs Letter To God
Why A Woman Wants To Come Back As A Bear
Advice To All The Dogs In The world

The Cat In The Hat On Aging: Poem

A photograph of our childhood friend - The Cat In The Hat

I considered not posting this poem but you know what, he is a kitty cat.  Well sort of.  Lol

Thank you so much for another extremely funny picture Jay!